Damon's struggle
by mw14
Summary: Follow on from cancer curse Damon has just lost Elena, his wife. He is sick of crying and he wants blood, lots of blood Au - Unrelated to season 5
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It had been 4 weeks since Elena's death; her funeral was 3 days ago but Damon hadn't gone, it would have been too hard, seeing her body lowered into the ground, knowing that her death wasn't a dream but a cold painful reality.

Damon had struggled, his eyes were constantly wet and he hadn't slept in his bed due to Elena scent that had remained. He had lived on a blood bag each day and a bottle of bourbon, he knew that it didn't matter how much he drank, or what he drank, he would never be able to get rid of that piercing sound of the heart monitor that told him that Elena was gone.

That sound still ran shivers down his spine and brought tears to his eyes, which god he was so sick of tears.

"Bourbon" Damon said to the barman as he sat down on the wooden stool, he hadn't been to the mystic grill since Elena died, due to the all of the eye's that he could feel on him every time he entered, but he was running out of bourbon at home and had decided to give the residents' something to talk about. "There" The barman said handing Damon his drink, Damon nodded in appreciation and down it in one, he could hear people talking about him; talking about how much he loved Elena and how sad it was that she had died, but he could have done something productive with his life now she was gone, instead of drowning his despair in alcohol. He hated how people were so quick to talk about the dreadful stuff in other people's life instead of their own.

Damon got up he wasn't here to be a freak show, even if they didn't know he could hear them.

He made his way outside, inhaling as he walked into the fresh crisp air, his eyes were bloodshot from all the alcohol he had consumed and the tears he had cried, but Damon didn't want to shed anymore tears all he wanted to shed was blood and lots of it.

Damon hadn't had a drop of human blood, for what seemed like forever; Elena never liked him if he took human blood, but Elena wasn't here, Elena was never going to be here. Damon waited outside until the grill closed; he had already spotted his first victim, a fiery red head, who was out of her head who was out of her head with drink and to his delight the one who had talked about him and his horrific life.

The redhead was the last leave, Damon knew his plan of attack and he wasn't waiting around. He walked over to the other side of the street until he knew where the redhead was heading; to his surprise it was to a club, god doesn't this girl stop? Damon had decided that he was gonna do the old bumping in sweet man act, due to the circumstances of the very wobbly redhead.

Damon had, had a lot of practice doing this and he did it so smoothly that no one noticed that he had done it on purpose. "I'm so sorry" Damon said, grabbing on to her shoulders steadying her "Oh no, don't worry my fault" The redhead slurred "hey aren't you the guy who lost his wife" "Yeah, I'm that guy" Damon said looking down "well I'm glad she had someone like you looking after her, I bet you would have made one sexy doctor" she said. Damon laughed casually, he had seen this trick so many times before; a girl would flirt, hope they would end up lucky but instead end up, well not so. Damon smiled "Hey I know a shortcut into this club your heading to, you don't have to worry about the entrance fee then" he lied through his teeth "Oh really, well it's my lucky day" the redhead smiled "Follow me" Damon said pointing to an alleyway on the other side of the street, "it just over there" Damon said pulling the redhead over to the alleyway, it made him laughed how many times women had followed him into alleyways, god did these girls watch movies or not.

"So where is it?"the redhead said excited, Damon turned to face her, his veins exploded in his face and his fangs enlarging "Don't scream" Damon said looking her in the eye, before sinking his teeth into her neck, god her blood tasted so fresh, so alive he thought, as soon as he had finish draining her, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and chucked her body in a nearby skip. The kill wasn't the nicest but it was worth it, the sweet irony blood that had made his vampire instincts reawaken and the intestacy of the thirst for blood made his feel alive again.

**A/N: So first chapter from the follow on of cancer curse, tell me what you think pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee **** Might be a surprise in the following chapters**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Damon had been of the rails now for well over a month, consuming anything that moved and sleeping with well anything that moved. Stefan had made the occasional visit, trying to get Damon to turn back on his humanity, but Damon was too busy with being the selfish arrogant, bloodthirsty vampire he was, before Elena had walked into his life. Stefan had tried to reason with him, telling him that Elena was gone, and that he should move on, but every time her name was mentioned, it only made Damon worst; worst at being the bloodthirsty in - human vampire he is, so finally Stefan gave up .

"Damon?" Stefan said, walking over where Damon was sat "What Stefan?" Damon asked lifting his head from the bourbon bottle "Elena wouldn't..." "Stefan, what did I say, don't say her name, I never want to hear it!" "but..." "No buts' Stefan, I hate that name, I've never liked it, Elena yuck" He spatted, Stefan sighed "that's the drink talking, Damon" Damon looked at the fire, completely blanking out what Stefan was saying behind him. It was true, he loved Elena's name; but he loved Elena more, and that's would hurt the most. It was true, the worst day of loving someone, is the day you lose them and Damon hadn't gotten over the fact that she was gone; gone from his life; gone from him.

"Damon, are you listening to me?" Stefan said, taking Damon away from his thoughts "NO STEFAN, I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU, I HAVENT LISTENED TO YOU FOR THE PAST MONTH, AND I DONT INTEND TO LISTEN TO YOU" Damon shouted, throwing his glass of bourbon into the fire, before putting his head in his hands. Stefan looked at Damon sorrowfully, he knew Damon hurt, and right now, he knew that he needed to be alone. "I'm sorry" Stefan said, before walking over and squeezing Damon shoulder. "I don't need your sympathy" Damon said before pulling away, Stefan sighed before leaving Damon in his drunken sorrows.

The next morning, Damon woke up from the sofa; his usual sleeping place. His hair was ruffled, and his shirt was crumpled from the previous day. He stood up, his throat stinging, from all the alcohol he had consumed; he really needed to stop drinking! Damon padded into the bathroom, before stopping to look in the mirror; God he looked mess! "I need a shower "he said to himself, before getting undressed.

"Damon" Stefan said, before walking into the bathroom, where his brother was stood.

"What!" Damon said angrily, Stefan looked taken aback "Chill out, I'm Just checking you were still alive" "Well, here I am" Damon said, before turning to face Stefan "So what you up to today" Stefan asked inquisitively "Nothing that concerns you, brother" "Oh really, let me guess, getting drunk and killing innocent people" "Actually no, but don't act all innocent, it's not like you've never killed anymore Stefan or should I say Ripper" Stefan looked down "I haven't been like that in a long time" "Well , maybe you should, I could use a fun brother again" "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Damon, but I'm sticking to blood bags from now on" Whatever" Damon replied, before walking downstairs to get his clothes, Stefan closely behind him.

"You know Damon, you have clothes upstairs, you can't keep wearing these" Stefan said picking up a blood ridden top "They've got blood on them" "Yes Stefan I'm well aware of that, but to get clean clothes, that means going upstairs and going into my bedroom, and I can't, I can't go in there Stefan!" Stefan looked at his brother, who was desirably trying to find his jeans "Well let me go then, don't worry I won't pick something hideous" Stefan smiled, before leaving to go upstairs.

Stefan pushed opened the door to Damon's room, before walking inside. He was greeted by a familiar scent, which he knew was Elena, now he knew why Damon always shut the door. Pictures of him and her were hung on the wall, alongside frames that sat on the cabinets, the most recent one, being of Damon and Elena in the hospital, pulling funny faces. That one made him smiled. After admiring the room, for some time, Stefan pulled some clothes out of Damon's wardrobe and made his way back downstairs, but not forgetting to shut the bedroom door on the way out.

"Brother there's your clothes" Stefan said chucking them down on the sofa, "Thanks" Damon said getting up from where he was sat. Damon looked down at the clothes, before picking them up and walking up into the bathroom again.

"Damon" Stefan said, leaning against the bathroom door "You just keep popping up don't you" Damon said looking quite annoyed.

"You've changed!" ""Yes Stefan I've changed, and if you don't mind I'm on my way out" he said walking towards the stairs "Oh really, where you heading all dressed up like that?" Damon was dressed in a suit, something he had borrowed from Stefan, it's not that he didn't like what Stefan had picked out for him, but he just guessed it wasn't appropriate with where he was going. "Well that would be telling, wouldn't it" he smirked "Damon don't play that game with me" Stefan said, but Damon was already half way down the stairs.

"Bye Stef" Damon said as he opened the front door, "don't wait up" "Yeah yeah" Stefan replied before hearing the front door slam.

"Hey Elena" Damon said kneeling down, before resting a rose beside her headstone "I thought I'd come and see you, because I didn't..." he sighed "well you know..." A tear escaped his eye, why did he think coming here was a good idea? "You probably think I'm a selfish bastard for not coming to your funeral, but the truth is Elena it would of hurt too much" Damon wiped another tear away from his eye "Hurt for watching them lower you into the ground, hurt for seeing my beautiful wife be taken away from me forever, it just would have hurt Elena" Damon sighed "Not a day goes by, that I don't think of you Mrs. Salvatore, I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose you, why I had to lose you?"

**A/N: What do you think? Please review?/I know im not the best at writing stories but I promise there will be a surprise, so follow the story - Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee**


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